yesterday..has had to undergo the chemoteraphy... me, took bus 87...reached her house..saw her mom with this lady.. i salam the mom..then i walked away..the lady looked like a chinese....then i salam lah after i knew she was hAS'S aunt...
then has mom go up to get ready..her aunt went up...
has was getting agitaTED..SCARED late...then has mom arrived...took taxi and went to the cancer place at SGH. has went for the chemo... and due to the drips..she often need to relief herself...
i pity her..5 long hours with the needle being poked on her.... i know its painful..but be strong baby gal...
then we went home... has was abit dizzy by then...
then reached bedok..they went home..i went home... during my spending my time at the hospital..i asked..maybe i can be a nurse....
at home told my mum that i want to be a nurse.. she was pleased...
then at night.. ais called..so shocked... then she asked if this friday i wan to go to skol and meet mrs vytiaingam.. i said okay.. bout bthe job thingy...don't know ah..just let it go ..i guess...

on..sunday.. i attended the wedding..o.kay..
on 26 nov..sunday...i was sad and dissapointed with my parents reaction.how could they be that way....they are my parents, be more understanding and support me in this... thinks mum i s jealous...obvious...
at around 10 a.m or so...we reached the wedding place at tampiness..near tm. then we ate breakfast.. not long after, the cousins came... the one that bastard me on msn was also there... her older sis asked us to joined them at lunch. so awkward.. the cousin that bastard me on msn, does not seemed pleased. her face expression shows it all.
then after the meal, i went to a nearby hawker centre there, at a minimart and called has..so bored...
sis was looking for me... i came back and search for her. relax a bit at a esting shether..then got this malay guy..so prasan.. not long after, i went back to the wedding invitasion. so took mom hp from him and called ais. i don't know lah..was so furious when she told me that she was going for an interview on monday with fyda... then what about has?
just like that ah?
i just sid bye and put down the phone.
then sat in dad's car.. sitting in the car, eating sweet and sour fish with sis..haha..then call and sms sam..told her my feelings on the conveversation i had with ais, she cooled me down... i disturb her..haha..then i kena back.. aniwaz sam, uddyn is mine...
saw the kuda kepang dance...thn sat around till 3p.m. me sleep lah..
we left..saw abang long and family.then mum gave me $5.then salam dad and a bit of the uncles..haha then went to hasna's open house..walk so far..and took bus no.65, my heels hurts..stop at the wrong bustop..walk so far, soosooo so far..after that..was at hasna's house for an hour or so..got this guy..hasan's brother's friebd...lokk a bit like yan xing shu...they say he is bapok..but i see oikay what?
we got duit raya each....$4.
sis and i went to sheng shiong..bought $3 slippers..nice feeling..the pain eased the pain...then we went to the library..national library..walked to int..so long and tired..took mrt..and reached there...found info non the ovarian cancer...we stay till 8.30 p.m
we went home.. long journey...took the bus at the wrong bus stop..wasted like an hour... i ate briyani the whole day..huh.. at night..me, eat briyani asgain

huh..morning has arrived...yesterday...when out with has... parents went to weddings..me call has back..then we went out.. before that, i do as many house chores i possibly could... very tired...has bought the hat @ tm...
then we went to bedok library..it was raining...so i slept...at ariund 5..we went home... before that..has went to buy her bro.. bk food...
when i reached home..my parents wasn't there...
but they came back at 7.30....
they were getting ready for the wedding dinner... my sis and i went to mcdonald instead..haha.. eat...talk...
she disturb me all the way..and made me run during our journey back home...


huh..k ah gtg...got wedding to go..boring nak mampus...

i don't undestand certain things in life.... why does it has to be so unfair...i hate it so much... hate it... this morning my parents and i could eally not agee on each other... they were mad at me..for not being home... for the past week..but what can i do....? can't they understand what i am doing...for has... they think that i care more on has than them... but they do not the pain that she is going through.. how insensitive can they be? how insensitive....
early in the morning..they ask me to do chores and scolded me... sis was sound asleep...
then....later...has called...asked me to accompany her to buy a hat... dad said no..and has heard it... she said that it is alrite..she could go alone... i don;t know why..but i just broke down..we hung up.. then i started to cry...
mom and dad were angry when i cried... so insensitve...mom called has back... i don't know ahh...later calling has soon...
i know..ibu, ayah...it may seem that don't carde about u.. but has is like family to me too..if that was me...would u be there 4 me just like that too rite...

it has been a tiring week.. i symphatize with has... didn't expect it to be that way... be strong gal....
wednesday..follow has to hospital..try to be there for her for as long as i could... be brave gal..mami is here with you.....
then went to bedok...met ais...then we went to eastpoint...
on thursday...went for the johore trip..learn about many things..the cruelty, the luxury of kings....
and many more...e.g bees
huh....today went with has to hospital...monday..start teraphy...hope for the best.
aniwaz.. i had frend b..who does not agree with wat frend a is choosing to do... i know that frend b tinks wat is best for frend a..but frend b...frend a need ur support..so ps...juz support... i noe u tink for her...its not that we do not trust the old ways...but...the old ways onli werk for certain ppl..and there is not many successful outcome...unlike the new ones... don get me wrong... we do agree with the old ways..but she trust more to the new ways... she needs hope rite now..and u are one of them..so try to support her in this....she needs it alot...

ais and i were at the library...sam sms ais to call her..it was an urgent matter...concerning has.ais went down to call sam...not long after...she went up..saying that there is some news... i had thefeeling that it was not a good one...
then when we went out of the library..walked near the councilling room....ais break the news...she told me that haslina has cancer... i was so shocked..then near the gate..cik hassan say that has was there...but go already...
ais and i searched for her...we went to her house..her bro said she is not there and has an appointment at two... we decided to go there..there are no alternative..where could she be? we walked towards the int..saw nan...told me that mr yyy is very rich... i was like..really...i felt a bit different... i don't know why..but i don have a soft spot for rich people...dunno..confused....huh..
we went to SGH..thanks to as bro and sis 4 the info...
we went there and search for the block and place....
then...
has mom shouted for ais...then we turned... we nearly missed a turn... then we saw has... she cried.... then she went i n to this checking room..then ais came in... has mom was outside with me..she cried..and broke down.. frankly..i am not good at comforting ppl...
then has came out with ais...went to another place..near there..the nurse said that it is going to be difficult for months..hair would fall and she would vomit.. but after that she would be alrite...
then has mom goes home first... has don't want to go home first..so we went to bedok int...via mrt...
time flies so fast....we shop....go here..go there... try to ease her mind a bit... she was a bit choas.. don't know..she offered me a drink..i don wan it as i want a sugar drink..not plain water..then she became..dunno ah..she would not taste ais ice-cream.. i persuaded her too..she did..but she put in on her palm... i was like wat..but i did not asked further..huh...
then..ais went home... i walked home with has..sat down...and relax a bit..she cried...but..wat can i do..but be there with her rite? today.. i know that she cried alt....expect it... if it was me... i would too....
hope she is alrite..and be brave to face this... be strong my little angel

i don't know wat is happening...i thought that i wouldn't be able to see him again...but i was wrong...happy though..i got the opportunity to see him again...
yesterday..was an okay one for me..haha..he was in school... i was having my last paper...science paper 1..it lasted 4 one hour...
we went out of the hall, and hang out at our usual place...that is the birdcage area... i was happy because i saw his car... it has been a long time since i saw his catr.. i thought he changed it or something...
then we relax... has, ais and fyda went out to buy things and print some pics... i asked them to buy me a drink and some sour stuff.. this is because i felt like vomitting...huh... don't know why...
i sat with shikin and sam...they were discussing about girl guides, my ex-cca..haha , then shikin and ms safura went out...
then the 3 angels came back 2 skol... i ate the sour thingy quite alot that i had a stomach ache... so painful...
then mr foo shocked me a bit as he stares with this funny and shocked look...it is all because we are drinking the same brand drink..funny teacher...
then...
sam and i went out...we went to the interchange.... and sam bought.... a small radio...
then...
we went to the hawker centre near skol..and buy a few stuff @ the budget shop..the 3 angels kirim dah...
me and the 3rd angel...balik skola...jumpe dorang alik...
then....
sam went home...
not long after...ais went 4 d&t...
has, fyd and i waited.... has want to kol mrs vytialingam...then....
mr yyy came out of the office... i dare not look...
fyd say he smile a bit..but was in a rush..got meeting....
then...we ask mdm chew to put in the report book(izzat's) on mrs vytialingam table..thanks cher
then saw miss safura...ask her got meeting or not... she said..yesh..haha
then we all sat down at the table....
we chat... me got pening..then miss tan- sam form teacher asked us to give benjamin some food stuff...she told us to tuck in but left some for ben..but sorry...cher and ben...we could not find where ben is...sorry
then...suddenly..has told me that daddy(mr yyy)level 2.i immediately turn...but to my surprise..he was looking back at us..surprised....
i was so shocked..that i turned away....
what to do....
he wave at us... but i wasn't looking...i was too shy.... regret it... has and fyd say that he smiled...
huh....
then not long after...cikgu ishak came...he berbual banyak.....
then mr yyy came down from the back exit.... he was goinh home.... cikgu was there so i can't make it obviuos...huh..saw him..a bit...then his car walked off...
huh... has and fyd said he looked...
that is something rite?
then cikgu went up...
not long after...saw mrs vytialingam and all...
then ais came down....
saw mrs vytialingam again... picked up a date on1 dec to clean up her room....
then we went out..the 4 of us went jalan jalan...at eastpoint. it was raining cats and dogs....
wah it was that bad....
at around 5 or so fyd went home as her father want her to do so...
then
we waited for ais mp3 or mp4... so long..in the meantime we went to shop for has clothes....
then at around 7 p.m.. we went to a flat..and play bunga api...so fun...
then we all went back to eastpoint to collect the item... it has arrived..the long waiting was finally there
then ais go home...me and has was stuck at the bus stop...no. 9 was so slow....
i went home late...alamak..mami was furious... i just sian ah...
then..i potong buncis...as usual.....
then i slept...so sleepy....
i dream about mr yyy.... he was at his car going out...we were at the hall of fame.... he asked me something...i asked my friends..they kept quiet..i told him to wait..then he went out.... not long after.... he went in...back... with a new car.. blue in colour...... he open up his window shield...then...asked me again... i said... yes as my friends has agreed to it... his park his car at the same spot...then bring his laptop to our table....
then it was blurz..a bit...if i'm not wrong he went back...home...
then i woke up...today... it was...in e morning... at 6.30...
i slept back...and i dreamt of him again.... he was next to my father...they were like best friends...wearing the same kind of clothes but differ in colour... then iwoke up at 8...
talk to sis..till 8.30
then... went to skol....
met up with ais..me 14 mins late..sorri...
sat down at the bench...saw mr yyy car..me happy,,that is obvious...
then ais said don't turn as mr yyy was approaching his car...
he look..wearing his sunglasses...haha..so like my dad....
then he went out..his coming back because he got basketball cca to handle....
cikgu sazali came...say7 at 12 met him...then now ais and i am at the library..with the com....

don't know why, knowing the possibilities that i would not be able to see mr yyy, make me have this scary feeling... i'm scared, horrified. i miss him already. but i am glad to say that i would not have to face him again. if wat happens on friday happens again in let say 2 weeks times everday... i would surely fall 4 him....
i am slacking like hell. tomorrow i got my science paper 1 and i am not even learning anything to do with science. i tink that i am too tired to bother. don't know why..but my head would really have this sharp pain if i start to open up my TYS. huh.....
oh today, i was not happy about one of my cousin... @ msn.. i said hi...she ask who i was. i said "ur couzin, hida". u noe wat she replied" oh...eh"... i felt so bastard... sis said don't take it too hard cause ppl like her are not easy to talk with especially if she's the appearance type base... i agreed, i actually could see..most of my cousins @my father side are all like that... this is why i prefer to hang out with the cousin @ my mom side..they are more easier to talk with....and actually communicate....

glad that everything is okay.... sam is okay... i was quite surprise that she was willing to meet up in school today....
in the morning as usual, i would go to geylang with my parents to have breakfast.....then i would go to skol via bus or MRT. today mrt as i need to top up my card...
walk, and my body is aching... it is all because for the past 2 days...i have been exercising to lose weight...that is my mission.....hahah
meet ais and has..ais came first then me then has... we waited for fyda...and see if sam was there..but either 2 wasn't...nan came..the n we chat a while....has, ais and i enter skol...then we saw mr yyy...i was so happy...never saw him for 3 days already...
we enter....then saw fyda @ the birdcage...she actually had arrived in the mornin....
we talk then fyda wen for her f&n exam...in the mornin sam could not make Bcause she had 2 sent her grandma 2 hospital....at about 11 fyda finished her exam, and we all sat at the table next to the staff room....many teachers passed by... then mr yyy passed by...he smiled...i smiled back..then he came near 2 d table where i was sitting.. He then ask "wat r u d0ing?".. But as u ne0 i was speechless and breatheless...i don't know why....
then he was lookin at wat i was writting-nan bio book. he gave this cheeky smile and tried talkin more topics to us... i wanted to talk to him, but it was so hard for me.... he walked, then he look at me, i smiled, then he smiled...he didn't siled smirk ahhhh...sooo happi...
then sam came... we sat and talk...i was a bit angry, sad and mixed feelings... confusede. my sitting manners was also inappropriate.... then my gut feeling asked me to sit in a gal manner, and i did.. he walked again, with his bag... he smiled then talked to us again...he said that today is his last day @ skol..he as a teacher is gonna have his break already...hhhuhh.. glad last day got 2 see him....
then we all talk..sam made her decision, and we stick 2gether..i guess... now we all r @ the library with the com....

i don't know what we are going to do about samirah's case... does she want it, or mayba she said all of those things due to dreppression. has and ais are trying to solve this peacefully, but in the end it is her choice. for me, i don't know. i know how it feels... i done it once... i bastard my friendship by abondoning them once and further apart from them,... and that was the loneliness times i had ever felt.
i know what kind of situation it is, and that is depression. and its not a good thing. its bad... all because of the some1 that is not meant to be yours...
it is a very difficult situation../
sam, right now u may tink wat u did is rite, and u r not the slightest in the wrong, but tink again. tink carefully wat is our good points, and wat is ur bad points.. and compare...seriously, u would see it....

today..after finishing my previous entry...the four of us_ has, fyd, ais and i went down..oh we saw sam..her muka selamba macam sial... i was so furious.. she could easily abandon our friendship of 4 years.. wat the hell.. ignored her.. fyd went home... then has, ais and i went out..then came back to skol.. chat ewif sec 3 ameera..and then has, ais and i went to eastpoint..has cried... then at eastpoint..we walk..has and ais went home..i meet up with mar and we went from simei to chinese garden via mrt... meet up with sis.. and we all went swimming..we swam and enjoyed ourself....then we go to raffles place and makan... went home and check the internet... that sam the trash as she said herself..wah damn ungrateful.... only ais and i kena rabak... i pity ais..she didn't do much..all those suffering times i had to endure.she said i didn't care... watever... ais cried..guiess she was so sad... samirah fom bedok view secondary.. i despise u day by day..don't let me hate u till i wan u to dissapear from my sight and life..sedalah

can't believe it..only one more paper till the last paper of my o levels...
huh..scary..especially maths.... should have tried harder..sori mr yyy...
aniwaz found out that mr xxx will be back in skol on 20th of nov.. watever....juz hav to move on...
aniwaz...i'm gonna miss my frenz..the memories we had..and also mr yyy.. can't believe i cried after seeing him, all bcause i didn't work relly hard my maths...huh...
life is o.k... end now..sis is furious and blaming me 4 not wakin her up..BULLSHIT!

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