well...yesterdae ..i was a happy happy gal.... spent time with 2nd bro....and dad too...
we went to parkway parade...well..it is now improved and new since i visited it early last yr...
went to the singtel shop..and took the queue number. it was a long long queue.. we had to wait for a long time... and there was this guy who has waited for an hour, but still has not seen the ppl... dad was shocked....so we went to starbucks to waste time... bro bougt me a vanilla ice blended with lots of whip cream...
then later after the ppl smsed bro...we went down and met the ppl when our queue no. was shown on the board...
bro upgarade his phone to the nikia 6288..i tink...me.. i too a new line and got myself a sony ericsson k610i...silver..i so wanted the red one...but it is now out of stock..so mine was an ugly one..no memory card....huh..why? but i know..we should be thankful for what we have..so yeah....its o.k...

hello there..just got back from geylang serai...mai..its rainning...
yesterday nite, sis broke down and cried....
i know that i was partly at fault for not helping her out to take mom's hp..
but i was so sleepy...it was pass 12 midnight.... i have to wake up early on the next dae..
aniwaz. i had to sleep late..try to make her smile...sis..smile smile..love u....
i remembered the times when i was sick...she would take care of me....if i had a fever, she would take a wet towel and putit on my forehead..
at night..i would sometimes pretend to sleep as i was sad if she would shout or scold me..she would then go to me and kiss my forehead.... thanks sis..love u....

aniwaz..i can't sleep..i felt so guilty..but not long after, she relaxed a bit and we went to bed...
at 5 a.m...today..well...i was so sleepy..
bath and all...then later...
my parents and i went to geylang serai to shop for the stall grossaries...
then when to aljunied industrial building..dad left as he had to drive to other kids to school...its a part time job....
many has changed..mom nemesis..well she's mom good friend now... the next stall is now mom's too..managed by aunt ton... it was okaylah....
try to help out..i was surprised..i thought that i would be thirsty..but no....
thank god..bussiness was quite good than usual..so..i really really thanx god..syukur....
dad came back..and he told me that he would be going back home to prepare himself before going to work at tuas..part time malay teacher...
i was like..shit! sis's at home...how can i warn her? i tried cakking her hp and even called the house..but to no avail...
later dad left...
so..did the dishes..and all...so tired..but okaylah....
my head right now is so dizzy...why?

aniwaz, later mom and i had our lunch at geylang serai....yeah, we went back there...and later..we went home...

well..i told bro abt has's appointment..he agreed to go on the evening..
but then later..at the NCC, found out that has is sick..and so.. the theraphy was posponed to next week.. well hope for the best...
aniwaz....
tomorrow..would be helping mom out at the stall, don't know how it would be like since aunt ton would be there....
pray for me....






well...today talk with has and all like usual....
then, we talked abt dreams...not aspiring but sleeping dreams...
aniwaz..i dunno where it came from and all, but i suddenly recalled fyda's dream of main character me...and mr xxx...
the dream was abt us...has,fyd, me and all was like finishing our business in the gym...logically, what the hell were we there?
aniwaz..i was the last one to get out of the gym, then him-mr xxx..hold the door..said if i wanted to have lunch or what.....i can't really recall the story...
then the next scene was at the parade square...i fell, and he ran towards me and asked if i was alright...
how i wish it was true...but i guess it was all just a dream that wasn't even mine...

dearest there.hello
today..walked to has place....
very tired..but i really wanted to save cost..do u noe how miserable it is when ur ez link has no student subsidies...expensive...
aniwaz....we walked to the school hawker centre....
and we ate ice kacang there..on our way back, we walked passed sam's place...
called her house, nobody there....called hp..she was out...
aniwaz...went back to has's place..got the news thatsam called...but we werent there..
so called back....
it was unfortunate that our path was not crossed..maybe next time...


well..rite now..i am in a major dilemma...
wanted to get new hp....
so i told bro..this saturday..i can't cause of has's thingy...
then bro asked me is it in the morning or evening..i told evening..so i got a date with bro...we are going in the morning
but then i'm nit sure wat time is has's appointment..wat if it is in the morning?
i am so in a dilemma...
wat should i do..just hope this saturday...has appointment would be in the evening..but what is the possibility....whuaaaah.....

gd afternoon everyone...
well..woke up late, again.....
feeling so tired and wanna go back to sleep, but...
no..no....
no more sleeping..too much...hehe
aniwaz, i dunno wat to blog, but i just looking back at the past, and well,
sec 5 life was a roller coaster...
okaylah....sec 4 too, was one big one..hehe...
but i luv sec 5 most....many fun memories....
still remember when the five of us was stuck in school when it was pouring rain...an it was a very very very bad one, since there was a flood...
don't know why, but fyd's ex was menyebuk kat sana....
we all ended up taking our shoes and socks off....it was funny..hehe..and when we have gone through all that, the rain cooled down...
it was...marvellous..hehe

HEY THERE READERS....
watsup...
well today...alamak..i fell down the stairs of my double decker bed...
so painful...i cried...i am so sad because sis doesn't seemed to be bother about it..whuaaaah...
aniwaz...
yeahlah..went to has place..walk again..i felt a bit tired...but nevermind..used to it..aniwaz..go there..like usual hang out..go buy stuff and all.
then in the evening or so..has was hungry..i must admit that i was too, considering that i starved myself in the morning..
there was no food..so has wanted to cook roti telur...i helped out lah....
aniwaz..i was farmished and ate it...the roti telur was like wow....it relief me of my hunger, cause frankly saying...i body was shaking..huh....
this is so different from puasa...
yeahlah.... after watching let u shine..i left....


back home...felt so tired and here i am

went to bedok cc yst. o.kaylah..chatted with dearest sam...aniwaz..there was schools of basketball team..how i wish my school was there, so i could see the special someone.....
but hey..what are the possibility....
1 is to 10

aniwaz
just woke up
and so sleepy....
yeeeee


well..i'm feelin down rite now...
u noe wen u like a guy..but before that u dun really care..
well i like this guy...he was always there..he even introduced himself to my parents..shoke his hand even...
now..he finally chatted with me at msn....then got disconnected..and he just didn't reply..wuaah....i really like him...o.klah..not major...but still..so sad

hey there..i noe that i am not so gd of a child. i'm too am showing bad attitude at them. no loving and all. i noe its bad, but i just can't help it..it really do suck...hgow can i act that way...how insolent i am..thing will get better...i know so...





why? i know what i had done is a sin........huh.... i'm sorry ibu and ayah...

well...i was so sad, angry, hate and all the negative emotions filling my heart and body. my parents so biased..and i really hate that. they always sees sis and i the bad ones.. why we always lazy and all..but she didn't look at when we did the house work..and wanting them to feel happy. they always sees the bad part of us and would brag abt it to other ppl. our good part, never been told. it is as if that was a very deep secret. it seems as if whatever we did for them doesn't seemed enough. why? i must say that i was not over the attitude gal thingy... but thanks gals(has & sam)..for making me smile, and let go of the circus situation...love ya lots

well..this gal would probably noe who u are if u read this.. u wrote this urself in ur friendster blog..this is witten there:SIAN !
school reopened for about like 2 weeks already .

l0ls .

well , just hoping that "she" will recover soon ...

seriously, not i want to say , is jus that , people around her are like giving me attitude for no fcuking reason .

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE ?!

forget it ..

it all ended here .






who the hell do u tink u are. i wouldn't show attitude if u were doin it first..so don think u r innocent..okay!!!
u must admit that u r rude.. not only to me..but others too...how can u say we have something wrong...majority wins..u solo..so u r showing the bad attitude first. how can we respect you, when u don respect us.
not only me that hate this idiotic attitude of urs..others too....two people who is much closer to her than i am....


don pester my friends with the sympathetic messages...dun be a pain in the ass..maybe they are able to tolerate it..but one thing..i can't tolerate it further!!!!

so don't just say anyhow... look in urself in the mirror and do some self reflection...

i can't believe it too, but i hate going back to school...yesterdae went back with ais..and the feeling really do suck! i hate it...aaaaahhhhh...
got to noe abt the ais and mr yyy thingy. i must admit that i was jealous and it really made me miserable. he blushed...what!! its alrite..cause i'm nobody to him rite? yeah..its true..nobody....not to him.....
anywaz..so made at the gal who ask for the maths bk..aaah.. how irresponsible. i had to walk in the hot hot hot sun in order to get the bk as i forgot abt it in the bus..so had to go home and get it..she knows that i was coming..don't she have the nerve to wait???!!!so passed the bk to minoru..thanks minoru 4 helpin me out..nice talkin to u.... anyways....


finally..saw mr xxx face. at last..it made my heart stopped a little....i was at level and he level 2. i ne he saw me..he was like shocked..but was like really wsn't sure who i was..something like that,, anyways, i avoided mr yyy..and thank god..i didn't see him. i just can't face him because of the ais thingy and the commited person..aaaahhhh...


anyways..what the hell with the security guards.the first one wouldn't let us in. had to sneak in..when we wanted to go home, the other one scolded us.. an't believe it how everything cahanged.





can't believe it that ais changed so muh in her dresssing. clothes...reaveals her tatas line...wear tight clothes...parts of eyebrows shaved...don't know lah what happened to her....

well..hey there..yesterday went to Bedok comunity centre in the afternoon with Has..played computer games..it was o.k... i did my previous entry there. aniwaz..then later went to inter. when, mardiana, yasirah and sharifah was there.
we talked. abt mr yyy too. and his wife... i don't know why..but for the first time that i played the family game, i felt lonely..just ever so lonely... i know..its bullshit...
i had been thinking abt it alot..can't help it..and it does bother me i many ways...
later we went back to bedok cc, second time as rasul asked her sis to go...there, rasul friend ..ayunee and umaira was there..we shook hand and didn't really talk to them...rasul and friends went to play the computer..has and i went to the hawker centre near our school.it was o.k.. we walk passed sam's house..wanted to call her down..but considering it was maghrib... and the phone was spoiled..we didn't...sat underneath the block near the school.i still remember those days where has,ais and i would chew or crunch the ice cubes and how we would hide ourselves from the principal..hehe...
well..saw xhi yuan...but didn't really bother to talk to him...

we went back to the cc. i still felt miserable abt mr yyy..but has somehow made me change my mind and mentality abt it. i should have expected it..sooner or later that's the fact.... now i can't face mr yyy..and i hope that i will not see him again...o.klah..maybe from far..same goes for mr xxx. leave it to that. think this is my big break..don't think abt mr xxx as often.. has told me it might be because it has been a long time since i saw mr xxx..facial... yeah..i agree..and i hope i don't see him soon...it's 4 the best...
then later..everyone went back home after...

helo there.. i must say that last sunday was a gd one..i mean yesterdae...
my parents, sis and i went to 1st brother's place.. it was fun and enjoyabele with the little gals- my nieces.. love them lots...
aniwaz..eilia slept on my sis shoulder, and wemt my sis put her down..she cried.. we were on a hurry to go home..so... yeahlah..mom wanted to take her home.
aniwaz..her mom was reluctant...but her dad says yes...and aske her two older sister to follow too.
aniwaz..back home..i played with the gals.. and it was a gd one..hehe.. love eilia.. i don't know, but it was the first time i bonded with eilia...
she sat on my lap to drink her milk..she waanted me..ahhh.. i actually felt wanted..ah..it was a very gd dae.. but it was a bit sad lah.. i felt so miserable...
mardiaa called and said he met mr yyy, and his wife at eastpoint... she told me that his wife...was young and all.ahh..k.lah..bye..i'll get over it!!

i felt as if my heart has been burn and smashed again. it hurts.. really hurts.... at first, i thought..yea i move on..and i will..but now..don't know why, suddenly..my heart just ache so badly... i have no mood...and i can't help it...
wat can i do? how can i move on.... it hurts so much..just so much...

well..morning has called..saying that she's going to her aunt's place..so there's no need to come to her place today...
then..in the afternoon,sam called...
so i decided to go to skol..it was pouring heavily.... and i was like half an hour late..sorri sam...
aniwaz entered the back gate... it was okay..
saw mr yyy..... he saw me..and kan cheong..hehe... he looked and smiled at us, but don't really dare to look at me...cute...then later, he passed by again..and on the way up, then he went backwards.and talked to me..ahhhh...
he asked abt my 0s and holidaes...hehe..not alot lah..only for a short while, but i was contented...
aniwaz..saw the penasihat..she got problem with me... i smiled at her..for godness sake..twice, but she would look at me like i am a pest.. so obvious... i wanted to cry, but thinking abt it..its worthless...
aniwaz..finally for months,,saw mr xxx...but only the back view...not meant to see his face.. my heart stopped, but u noe wat, i should be strong and get over with this scene in my life...
saw mrs vytialingam...oh yes....mr shah noes abt has situation...mrs vytialingam told him abt it..she was deeply affected....
aniwaz..mom is so jealous...abt me going to has's place, but mum, really that's not the way to handle it. she didn't even believe me that i was at skol todaY..HAS JEALOUSY BLINDED HER? i cried..but...thanks dad for comforting me...

it was a tiring day, but it was fun and enjoyable. i cried, shout and in the end, still happy.hehe
aniwaz..had two bubble teas ice belended. first was strawberry ice belend, second was soursoup..yea..can't believe it, i drank soursoup. been a long time since soursoup was the major cause of the worst soar throut..hehe..spend time with sis..hiding...
aniwaz..walked to Has place. not bad..with a shortcut, half an hour earlier...
reached there... went to bedok. inter two times...GD lah..has getting better... kkz...end now

well..i got his name wrong..its rusdy.. he apoligized for it..saying that it wasn't him, and that his friend hang his account.. well..it's okay.. tell u the truth , i was shocked abt the testi.. he doesn't seem that sort to do such things... wonder who is the friend?

hello again... my mood have been so not gd..
i can't believe it. i entered friendster, and i was shocked that this guy, rushdi, gave me a stupid testimonial..what were u thinking..crazy..pervert

hey there.. it has been hours since i entered blogger and changing the background through blogskin.com. it took me hours to find the perfect skin.
thanks to am help abt the old and new blogger thingy that i solved my codes...
aniwaz..i like two backgrounds. but can only use 1. i decided to open a new one... but later, i closed the blog anyways, i just don't noe what to add there. but it was a gd background..alone in the rain...gd man... but i choose the new one... this one..




aniwaz, yesterday i went back to skol. met has @ geylang. i was surprised that that i was aable to walk fro my house to geylang for45 mins. i must say that i was proud of it.hehe..then went to skol..everything changed. its not the same anymore.. met sam there. i was surprrised that ais didn't came.
met mrs vytialingam and talked to her.

we talked to ms deepa. she is a very nice teacher, it was nice talking to her.

saw other teachers too...
saw mr yyy...i was happy, but he was so far that i'm not abled to talk to him.he didn't saw me , i think...sad.. ireally want to talk to him...but i just could not go to him, i'll get red...


i was so sad and dissapointed that i am not abled to see mr xxx.. it has been months since i saw him. its not fair. sam saw him..but i'm not fated to see him..why?

It has been an interesting life in secondary school. I met meaningful and sincere friends on my journey in this part of life. There are friends you can count on and there are fiends that could not be depended on. Some friends do betray you, and you can really see where their loyalty lies.

When I was in secondary one, I was enrolled in Bedok South secondary school. I hated my life then. I was not respected and was so lonely. I had only one friend, but she does not really bother about me. Sometimes I felt betrayed. I do not communicate well with my teachers and peers. One of the teachers even called me a loner as I do not usually mingle around with other students. Sometimes at night I would cry. It was a very pressurizing situation.
At that point of time, my school was on the evening session. I do not have time to talk to family members as they are usually busy in the morning, and by night time, they would be tired to talk to me or spend some time with me. Because of not being able to share my problems in school, I would always attend school late. I hated school then. I could not skip school as my father would pick me up from school, even though he was tired. I do appreciate what he did.
By the end of the year, I was desperate to get out from that school. I could no longer tolerate the gossips and attitude they have towards me. It was unbearable.

My father really cared. He went to several schools for me, but my application was rejected every single time due to my poor results.
Not long after, I was accepted in Bedok View secondary school. All thanks to my father. I was happy and overjoyed. I no longer had to enter the unbearable school that I once experienced.

My habit of coming late did not help me in the new school. For the first few months, the only day I was not late was the first day of school as my father sent me.
I had to run everyday and it was really tiring and embarrassing. I got to know four students there. There was this particular student that would always ask me to join into her group. Her name is Haslina. I was reluctant at first as I was shy, but I eventually spend my time with them. Then, I would keep quiet and do not really open up to them. But my habit of coming late to school was getting better. I would attend school so early even the classrooms door were still locked. I had to wait outside. After school, I would rush to my twin sister, Huda, and played basketball with her and some of her friends.
It was a sad year for Haslina as her father passed on. I did not know about it till she told me herself. The other three of them, Samirah, Rafida and Aisyah did not told me about it. I did not consider them as my friend as they do not actually communicate with me. They do not actually bother about me. I would only join the group for recess only if Haslina was there. They argued a lot, but I would just keep to myself on my views and opinions. I was afraid that they would abandon me if I say the wrong thing.
Haslina and my sister, Huda could not get along well. They had a heated argument and my sister sms a very mean and insensitive phrase. It was a difficult situation for me, but they are alright now, but I could sometimes feel the tensions between them.
Sec 3 came. We had our differences. I always argued with Haslina, and it was one of my bad days of secondary lives. Aisyah would always support Haslina because she knew her better, and I was not really close to her. As for Samirah, she grew farther from us. She was not around, and she was not there with us. I realized that I was selfish and took Haslina for granted. I had a crush then with a Thailand male student. I would frequently talk about him and he made me smile by just looking at him. But he was a jerk. He played with my feelings and pretended as if nothing happened. I joined the girl guides with Samirah to now her better. It was alright. I got to know more people and be more open by joining the cca.

My sec 4 years was one of a roller coaster year for me. I was taking my N levels. I had an infatuation with a male teacher that I got over the Thailand student. I was crazy about this teacher. He made me so happy, and he gave me signals. I thought he had the same feeling for me as I was to him. My friendship was tested. I grew to know Aisyah and Rafida. They also got closer to me and it was comfortable when I was with them. My infatuation grew stronger day by day. I was crazy about him.

I wanted so badly to be promoted to sec 5. I would go to school for December holidays. And I did not have the chance to see him for 2 weeks. I felt like dying. It was killing me.
The day I got my N Level results was the joyous day for me. I could be promoted to sec 5. I was so happy.

During my sec 5 years, it became very challenging. I was depressed over the teacher. My friends were there for me, but I was selfish and push them far. I do not care about them but myself. This is where my loyalties lie.
I still like him though, but I became stronger and put on a brave front.

The first half of my sec 5 life was miserable, but then, the second half was meaningful and it really woke me up.


Then around July or so, Haslina would disturb me with one of my subject teacher.
I felt disgusted at first. I really hate it. But has time passes by, I fall for him. I know that it was unexpected, but he really made a different in life. He doesn’t hurt me in any way. He played along. And I was thankful for that.


My friendships with the four of them were getting better. We had our differences, but we stayed strong, and I thank god for that. My life really changed with my friends around. When I am sad, they would just made me smile and brighten my days


Anyways, I still do like the first teacher and it hurts me most when I am not able to see him. But thanks to the second teacher that brightens my days.



Well, know… I have graduated from my secondary school. It is very scary, but I do have to move forward.

I must admit that the challenges were getting tougher. Haslina wasn’t that well. And I often felt sad. I can’t really talk to Haslina about it because I don’t want her to worry and get stress out. But thanks to Samirah would always make me feel better. Even though we don’t meet up as often, but she just brightens my days through the internet and phone. She would advice and really consoles me. And I thank you, Samirah for everything, for being there for me. I don’t actually communicate with Rafida and Aisyah. We communicate less often since we don’t see each other everyday and it is difficult to contact them.

Many events happened. Sad, happy and etc moments that made me grow up.

I believe everything happened for a reason, and we should brave regardless of how difficult the challenges faced.

well....


wat can i say..my hari raya haji was a blast.. i was happy and finally felt united with my family.. yes that day was full of crying and horrible attitudes..but if we try to resolve it..ummm it did a great thing...
i will always remember 31 of dec 2006... yeah..


aniwaz.. i'm so mad at this kid at BVSS....
really sien ah..she wanna ask me question that why i wote this and that in my blog...
hello..its my blog..and i'm tatally stating facts.. if she don't like it..don't read..
and i'm not humiliating anyone....
everyone is a human....


so back off.....

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